On the porch was standing a huge, muscular man with a big, manly beard; and he was dressed in a plaid, red shirt, blue jeans, and sturdy, leather boots. His chest was covered in a thick, unruly carpet of coarse, brown hair . He wore a necklace that looked to Harry like a lowercase T. Just looking at Harry feel happy, peaceful somehow; but he couldn’t say why!

“Hermione, why don’t you show our newest student to the dormitory?” Dumbledore suggested wisely.

“I’d love to, daddy,” Hermione replied obediently with an innocent, girlish smile; and got to her feet; and smoothed out the skirt of her becoming, pink frock. “Should I clean the kitchen first?”

“I can take care of that tonight,” the reverend’s wife answered indulgently; and she was already beginning to clear the elegant, porcelain dishes.

“Thank you, mommy!” Hermione shouted gratefully; and she walked over to Harry. “Would you please come with me?”

Harry blushed shyly; and got to his feet. His aunt had never taught him how to talk to pretty girls. She always said that pretty girls were shallow and not very smart and that a real woman put her career first and didn’t care about her looks; but it only took one look at this godly young girl to realize just how wrong that was! A woman taking pride in her appearance is honoring the Lord; because after all, it is the Lord who gave her a pretty face and nice hair. Taking care of that is important! Harry got the feeling that Hermione was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside.

“This is the boys’ dormitory,” the devout young woman explained kindly; and she gestured to the heavy, oak door beside them. “I would show you inside; but I would hate to cause a scandal.”

I understand,” Harry declared graciously. Too many young men these days pressure young women into things undesired and forbidden. It is the mark of a true, old-fashioned gentleman to respect the fact that every young woman is another man’s future wife. And we all know that it would be a dreadful, terrible sin to bring another man’s wife into intimacy. Why does modern culture suddenly treat that as okay simply because he does not have her yet? Man’s laws may permit it; but the laws of the Lord are not bound by time.”

“Please, ignore this fool,” Draco drawled smugly. “Luna here thinks she can have a career even though she’s a woman; and women are stupid.”

Harry gaped at this horrible person. What a mean thing to say!

“Women shouldn’t not have careers because women are stupid!” Harry shouted indignantly. “Women are not stupid at all! Women should not have careers because women are nurturing and loving and their gifts serve them best in the home!”

“Enough of your lies,” Dumbledore exclaimed bravely. “We know who you are.”

Voldemort blinked stupidly; and then he uttered childishly, “I’m sorry … what?”

Dumbledore smiled smartly. “You’re pretending to be dumb, I see. Well I’m not stupid. We know all about how much you hate Christians.”

“What? I don’t hate Christians,” Voldemort lied dishonestly. “What are you even talking about?”

“You’re still pretending to be dumb,” the Reverend pointed out truthfully. “We know all about your plot to illegalize Christianity, Voldemort.”

Voldemort blinked stupidly again and questioned evilly, “Wait, this is about my Reddit account?”

“Is that what you call your godless coven?” Dumbledore queried knowingly. “Well yes I have indeed seen your so-called Reddit Account; and just try to deny your hatred of Christianity when you post things like this-‘kristians all sux. their religion is stoopid and should be illegal. i will rite to congres and tell them to make law.’”

Harry Potter laughed intelligently; because Voldemort did not even understand proper spelling and grammar.

“That was a joke,” Voldemort retorted unintelligently. “That whole account is a joke. I mean, ‘Voldemort_the_righteous_skeptic’?” He laughed with the nervousness of one who knows he is damned. “Of course you’re not supposed to take it seriously.”

“Do you think religion is a laughing matter young man?” Dumbledore demanded righteously. “Well it is not! What sort of a joke is trying to outlaw religion?!”

“Of course I don’t actually want to outlaw religion,” Voldemort uttered deceptively. “That would be ridiculous. I just got annoyed by the ridiculous straw man some Christians have made out of atheism, so, whenever I see someone ranting about how depraved and evil we nonbelievers are, I reply with something like that. You know, taking that stereotype to an extreme to point out how ridiculous it is.

“Also, a small but vocal minority of atheists exists that stereotypes and mocks anyone who disagrees with them. They can be just as hateful as people think we all are, and that does real damage. They bug me as much as the straw man arguments do — and they give those arguments credibility — so I do the same thing to them, replying with an extreme version of what they said to highlight the absurdity of it.”