Your Dick. Your dick is pretty special. It’s pretty hard. It’s kind of fantastic. You think so, I’m sure. Your dick is SO special, in fact, SO hard … that you really shouldn’t being using to bang delicate lady parts. You should be penetrating a fucking grenade. That’s right. A GRENADE. Does your penis deserve anything less?

The Grenade Masturbator understands that your penis isn’t a mere power tool; it’s the hammer of Thor. This stretchy masturbator is thick, soft and can take whatever kind of beating you give it. I mean, why have sex with a pretty girl when you can have sex with a lethal weapon?

One last thing about the Grenade Masturbator: this grenade doesn’t explode; you do. Ok, that wasn’t that great, but what do want? I’m writing this drunk.