It’s all about timing. Personally, I like to get absolutely shitfaced on Saturday night after my wife has gone to bed. I’ll drink until sunrise, then sleep until noon. Wake up, cook some bacon and drink a beer or two. Followed by a beautiful bowel movement and a long, hot shower. 50/50 chance of having sex with my wife, if that fails: 100% chance of masturbation. In this case, I’ll return to the bathroom with four beers, the iPad and snacks (leftover bacon, Chinese take out from Friday, whatever is in the fridge…doesn’t matter). After I cum and take my second shit it’s time to watch some football and have a few more beers. Then I’ll nap after the 1pm games until about halftime of the 4pm games. Now is the time to really start enjoying Sunday. Coffee with Jameson or vodka tonics bring me back to baseline. Now it’s time to light the grill or preheat the oven while I prepare dinner for my wife and myself. Sunday nights menu typically involves rib eye steaks, baked potato, asparagus with a Caesar salad. Unless my wife had started beef stew, chile or meatballs in the crockpot earlier in the day during my nap. Dinner, shots, SNF while laying with my lab and my wife. She goes to bed around halftime of SNF. I’ll have a few more beers and a few shots before peacefully falling asleep. I’ll wake up at 5am and walk the dog and change/feed our son. Then I’ll take a glorious shit. Oh so glorious. Followed by another quick nap and then it’s time for work. Five days on the job and then it’s time to repeat the ritual. Shitty glitter or glittery shit. This is the way I choose to live.