You ever see a chick with incredible bones and you’re all thinking “oh man, I bet this girl bathes in whole milk and performs cream enemas on the daily?” You see that incredible bone density and you just can’t help but moan “oh yeah this woman definitely takes calcium supplements, crushes them to dust, and snorts them from mirrors using rolled $100 bills before eating a healthy snack to make sure it digests well with food.” You can just imagine the breast milk goes straight back into the mouth using a complicated system of calcium-recycling tubes and pumps in an orthopedic surgeon’s wet dream of a stillsuit, which means no single iota of calcium goes to waste from those incredible, stocky bones. You might outwardly call me strange, but I just speak out loud what your hearts in secret wish you had the courage to say. Let it be here said explicitly and acknowledged as the ringing truth it is: *all men want to bone.*